So They're Married for 20 Years, and Then He Says...

..."I don't love you anymore."

And so she says...

(and here's the link)

Thanks to my friend Mike for forwarding this along.  There's something wise here.

Comments

[Elizabeth]

I can't respond on facebook from work, but still wanted to throw my two cents in...

My parents divorced when I was in third grade. It was a messy divorce, and neither my mother nor father handled it well. They used me and my brother as weapons against each other, and I was even forced to testify to a judge against my father about his drinking issues.

For years, I was lost. It wasn't until college that I made the decision to join the Catholic church, and even with God by my side, I am still struggling with the residual feelings from the mess my parents made. I never felt my father wanted me, or even loved me, and as a result, I seek out toxic relationships and avoid healthy, encouraging ones. I have finally met a man that could be the one, and I worry daily if I can let myself be happy in a relationship with a good man, because I grew up in an environment that scorned the desire or need for such a thing.

To get to the point, my parents divorce will stay with me always, I think. With God's help, I am learning to see it in a better light, but it has been over twenty years, and it's not a quick or easy process.

[Anonymous]

Great article! I've kind of done that with my husband who struggles with some personal issues/sin (probably a result of coming from a divorced home). I've invested too much of my love, life, and energy to allow our marriage to fall apart. There are many times I want to throw in the towel and have my own temper tantrum, but with God's grace I carry on!

[Lynda]

Exactly what I needed to read. Thank you.

[Heather]

Hi Brant, awesome show. I was partly glad when I got moved back into morning hours just for the sake of getting to hear the morning show! Thank you so much for posting this link and for discussing it on the radio as well. I see now why you couldn't just say "And she replied..." That's a bit long for discussion. My parents are still together (by a thread) but I know other parents that are still together, and another set that are amazingly together through an almost similar story, in a hugely different context. I don't think that enough people (myself included) think enough about how often we try to project our troubles onto others in order to pass blame and relieve ourselves of some of the suffering that is involved. Although Christ has already forgiven our sins, when we lapse and sin against another in any form we often deal with unbearable guilt and the easiest, quickest way to deal with it is, of course, to make excuses for yourself. That is exactly what her husband was doing, and what most (if not all) of us do on a very frequent basis. It's not even limited to problems within a marriage - it's anything. Any mistake. Any negative feelings. There's always at least two ways to respond to any action, words, or event. If you can't own up to your own problems or faults then you will never be able to work past them. Thank you again for drawing attention to such a moving, meaningful and wise story!

[Matthew Montgomery]

This is a pretty amazing article. Thanks for posting it Brant. :-)

[Lauren]

This article is remarkable! I would have never thought of not taking personally words like those uttered from the writer's husband. I can't imagine overcoming the kind of panic those words would incite in me. Her approach seems risky, but I think this was a selfless act of love for her husband and her kids. Wow!

[Joshua]

I like the second commenter above. It's by God's grace. It's too bad it ended with his pride being the missing link.

[Jennio]

WOW! I wish I had known this when my own husband said those exact words to me 4 years ago. I had no idea that has ever happened to anyone else.

"I dont love you anymore. I'm not sure I ever did."

What a horrible blow those two little sentences can give a woman! I let him leave. I didnt know there was anything else I could do. I am SO glad to read this, if for nothing else than to know that there is somebody else out there that has gone through the exact same thing as me.