Honesty About Prayer

Just about everybody believes in it.  Just about everybody doesn't do it much.

I know I'm in "Christian media", and I'm supposed to act like I pray all the time, and everyone prays all the time.  But since I don't, and you don't, I figure we might as well admit it to ourselves, and ask, why?

Truth is, I don't feel like God's listening all the time.  And the truth is, I believe He is listening, but I don't feel like He is.  That makes it hard.  I love Jesus, and I love my wife, but it's easier to talk to my wife.  I see her, I listen to her response, I can watch her laugh, or know when I've just emphasized the wrong syllable, and sent the wrong message.  Immediate feedback.

Prayer is not about immediate feedback. 

I don't like praying in public, either.  Here I am, a professional public communicator (sounds cooler than "D.J.")  And I'll do it, but I'm never comfortable with it.  I hate the idea of talking intimately with God, but wondering, "Am I saying this only because others, who might be impressed, are listening?  Am I trying to teach someone a lesson?"  I've seen enough religious shows.  I don't want to produce another one.  And I grow weary of my own mixed motives.

Feeling guilty doesn't help.  I'm learning:  God doesn't want my guilty feelings, my rituals, my teeth-gritted determination to check off all the religious boxes.  He wants my heart.

Praying for me, is hard.  Worth it, necessary, irreplaceable...and hard.

Comments

[Sam]

God answers my prayers 3 ways- Yes, No or Wait. Most times it is Wait. While I wait I learn about His Grace, His Comfort, my level of patience, and my need to control. Left on my own I come up with several plans, but you know when I wait His answer is the BEST. His answers are always so incrediably greater than any of my own ideas. So in prayer it's the listening part that I have the biggest problem with. Thank goodness that he loves me through it.

[Sandy]

I recently heard the best thing on prayer that I will never forget. It motivates me to pray more often (especially when I don't feel like it): "Prayer is hard because prayer is war."

[J.Paul Bryan]

Brant, thanks for that honest, open confesion about prayer, or the lack there of, I was really convicted this weekend about having, not a good prayer life, but an honest & sincre one. I certainly fall short there.
Alot of times, my prayers are vey selfish.
There was a really great message on prayer this weekdnd at Spanish River. You can go to spanishriver.com & check out the message entitled "Hereos of PRayer"
We need to be more sincere in our prayers to the Lord.

[Michael P. Taylor]

But the problem is not when God answers "wait" -- it's when I can't tell what his answer is. If any. "Wait" would be fine.

[Renae Murray]

Brant,
Prayer is hard for me. I have been having an especially hard time of it lately. I know God is there, but I want Him to talk to me while I pray.
I have read the Bible from the beginning to the end about six times using the One Year Bible. I don't like using devotionals because it is letting other people tell you what to think or pray. When I first became a Christian someone taught me to journal. I wrote several journals worth of things I thought the Lord was saying to me. One of the major things was about calling me to be a missionary. After having a complete let down after I received only one check for support from a friend, I called the mission board and told them through tears I did not know how to raise the support and I guess I am not called after all. I felt betrayed and I thought I must have made up all the pages of things I wrote thinking God was speaking.
I have journaled since and I have had long periods where I was faithful in daily quiet time. Right now, though, I am having a really hard time because of the "silence". Maybe He is speaking and I haven't been quiet enough to hear. I don't know. I do know he used a person at work the other day to come over from the other side of campus and give me a hug when I was having a really bad day. I had not talked to the person in months. She is someone who was listening. It was funny: Even after she told me God had sent her I whined about not hearing from God. She promptly reminded me he had sent her to tell me what God wanted me to hear.
I am glad I heard you this morning. It feels good to know I am not alone. I hope this encourages you.

[Donna]

Hi Brant!
Please stop beating yourself up about this. I used to think that I could only pray if I was on my knees with my head bowed. But then someone somewhere along the way told me that prayer is just a conversation with God - so everytime something good happens for you and you say "Thank you Jesus!" you've prayed. Same with saying "Help me, God" when something not so good is happening.
I think a good example of this would be how Jesus himself prayed. His manner of praying when he taught the apostles the Lord's Prayer was very different from his prayers in the Garden of Gesemane. And don't forget his short prayer when he cried out to His Father on the cross.
I believe that if you think about prayer in this manner, you'll find that you're actually praying many times a day for many reasons and causes.
Hope this helps!

[Nikki]

I feel the same way! I love such a deep love for Jesus but I don't like praying in big groups! Its awkward for me and sometimes I just want the prayer to end. I feel there is pressure on me to have to pray this great amazing prayer to impress everyone and then I feel like a fake Christian. I want my prayer life to be deeper I struggle with this.

[Justin]

The enemy will always accuse us that we fall short of anything we do (Revelation 12:10)for God...song could have been better...sermon could have been better....should have been nicer to that person......thank God He looks at the heart and not accomplishments. Your honesty comes from humility....and a humble sincere prayer is more powerful than a 2 hour eloquent masterpiece.
(Psalm 51:17 , Isaiah 66:2)
I struggle with the same thing bro, and im trying to balance between the accusations of the enemy tell me im not doing enough, and the heart of my Father wanting to spend some more time with me.

[Mary]

Brant....I remember when I was younger and felt the same way. I wish I could tell you how or when I was able to become as comfortable wih prayer as I now am, but here are some things that are different for me now.
I almost always adress Him as Father God, it feels very natural and real for me. I am honest about what I am feeling and acknowledge any hurt, anger,etc.that I am feeling. I pray out loud, it feels more real. I whisper,breath little "Half Prayers all day" too, just sentences of what I need or of thanks or of asking for blessings for or protection of others.Often as I drive to work I begin a conversational prayer,thanksgiving and praise first, then the things i wrestle with or am wanting and needing for others and for myself.
Right now I am asking God to bless you in this particular struggle.I want you to know I went from seldom praying to it being a 24 hour(yes, i wake at night praying) constant part of my life. God Bless.
Mary

[Janis]

How very honest and real. I struggle with the same issues. I believe God listens and hears every cry of frustration and every joy I utter, but it's difficult when I want to receive immediate feedback but don't.

The toughest part has been for me to bring ALL of my problems to Him, but He always finds a way to lead me to prayer. For instance, when I have a rough day and I call every friend I could possibly want to vent to and no one answers their phones, I get frustrated because I know it's God's way of telling me to bring my worries to Him rather than rely on my friends yet I want to be able to hear someone on the other end...and honestly, I don't always hear God.

So rest assured that you are not alone, my friend, but as you so nicely put it, God is after our hearts, and so we offer it to Him with every worry, every tear, and every expression of joy. Thanks for sharing.

[Christna]

Hi Brant,

I am so glad that you brought this issue up. I have the same problem with praying as you do. I am a growing Christian and I feel extremely ackward praying aloud with other people. I don't feel as if I am good enough. But I have faith the Lord will put the words in mouth with practice and time.
Thank you for your honesty.
God Bless You!

[Brenda]

Brant:

I listen to your show every morning and I love you and Nikie! You are so honest, and quite frankly I applaud your ability to be sooo transparent. Yes, prayer can make your mind wander and sometimes we do things we aren't supposed to, but... We aren't perfect and listening to the morning show helps me and so many others feel like we have a chance to make it to heaven! Keep eating your toast and playing your Accordion. 88.1 Rocks!!!

[Laurel]

I hear you about praying in public. I don't even like praying out loud at the dinner table. I don't want to be anything less than completely real, honest, and vulnerable before God, and it's hard to do that if I know others are listening.

[Larry]

I know in my prayer life I tend to run to Him when times are bad and crawl when times are good. I know there are tons of times when things are good and I rationalize that I need time dedicated solely to Him to approach Him... can't do that now. Well I need to remind myself he wants me to ask him the simple stuff too. "Do I call Brant with a guess?" I know He has to chuckle when He sees the silly things I struggle with. He wants them all the big and the small...but also what He wants, and is possibly most lacking in my prayer life.....Praise!!!
Just a simple God you are amazing!....God you are awsome...God you are HOLY...God I am un-worthy!

[Pam Miller]

Hi Brant, I am a friendly person, but can be shy, too. I find comfort, praying in quiet, alone. say the Our Father and Hail Mary, since I was a child. As an adult, I decided I didn't find what I was looking for in the Catholic church. I saw Pastor Bob on the worship Channel, I was going through a difficult time and the Worship channel, brought me out of a depression. This was maybe, twelve years ago or so. I met my husband @ Calvary Chapel, in Ft. Lauderdale. God did answer my prayers! I went alone to a Music worship service @ Calvary, I was praying for God to send me the right man, I didn't want to go out to the clubs or matched maked, etc... So, that night, the guy I married, chose the seat next to me and he introduced himself, to me. So what are the chances of meeting your soulmate, as easy as that! We are married now for 8 1/2 years and very much in love. Thank God !

[Hali]

Hey Brant! :)

I have to say that I was in your position pretty recently, and I want to tell you how to get out of it.

I didn't want to pray out loud because I felt like I was just praying for the benefit of the people around me, and not because I was actually speaking to God. In fact, I felt fake worshipping in front of people, as well as praying with or in front of them.

But I learned something incredibly valuable about this...You cannot grow if you do not step outside of your comfort zone.

The reason you feel awkward is because not only is praying with others something new and something you usually keep to yourself, but the Enemy does NOT want you to be praying openly with other people, worshipping with other people, because there is incredible power in the gathering and praying of God's children. So naturally, he's going to plant lies into your head and let them fester, let you worry, let the lie grow bigger and bigger until you're too intimidated to pray with others outloud.

You may feel awkward or fake for it, but just power on through it. Sooner than you think, you'll be the one innitiating group prayer because you'll have conquered your flesh (the embarrassment) and the Enemy's lies (that you're being insincere just because others can hear you).

Trust me, if you are truly seeking God, if you're talking to Him in any way, He honors all of that. He knows your heart is sincere and he knows that while you worry that you're appearing fake or awkward, that your heart is in the right place.

I promise you, it is so rewarding, and you will LOVE what God does with group prayer. Just remember that God calls us to constantly push forward...He never wants us to become comfortable or complacent, or okay with the idea of not conquering a situation.

Good luck, God Bless! Keep praying about it, I have no doubt God's getting ready to open up the Heavens and bless you :)!

-Hali

[Jacqueline]

Hi Brant, Jacqueline here(the classical singer). I came across your blog and wanted to comment. First off, I appreciate your openness and honesty. Many wouldn't dare ever mention such a difficulty out of fear or pride. You aren't the only one who struggles with this. I do, too. I've never liked praying out loud in public or even with the other members of the church. I feel the same thing you do, as if it's for "show" or to impress, though I know it's not. I have managed to slowly start overcoming it by praying just under my breath, so I'm still participating with the other believers and it helps.
When you say you don't feel like God is listening to your prayers though you know He IS, I know exactly where you're coming from.
Before I came to Christ last fall and accepted Him into my life, I used to feel the same and wondered why I even bothered. He seemed distant,inaccessible,etc...When I came to Him during the darkest depression of my life, it was out of sheer desperation-I was scared out of my wits and didn't know any other way out of what I call the "abyss". I learned, thanks to a friend, that prayer is simply talk, a conversation. Ok, so it seems one-sided, but it's not. He IS listening. He may not answer immediately. I know. I've prayed for years for a certain problem to be resolved and it's not-yet. However, I can't describe how many times in recent months since I found Him,He has comforted me, eased physical and emotional pain,and even given me a solution so I could get my work done-quickly. So...all my rambling is to say this: talk equals prayer. Just talk to Him about anything, concerns, annoyances, things that make you smile, laugh, shout for joy,etc...God is listening. Blessings and be well. ; )