Brant's Blog of Awesomeness

THIS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME

The Performance of the American-Style Football Team Affiliated with the University of My Degree Greatly Pleases Me

Mirth!  Merriment!

An assembly of game players, drawn from high schools from around the United States, now performing with matching "Illinois"-themed uniforms, has outscored a highly-regarded opponent in an American-style Football Game!

Should I respond?  Oh yes.  Here is my planned response:

1)  I'm going to purchase, then wear, university-themed, licensed sportswear!

2)  I'm going to purchase and display a university-themed "car flag"!

3)  I'm going to continue to link my own self-worth with this particular group of games-men, none of whom I actually know, and will refer to them as "we"!

4)  I'm going to talk about what "we" did with sporty-type friends!

I hope we keep winning!  Then, our coach, whom I don't know, can get a raise, and maybe our athletic director, whom I don't know, too!  I'll be very proud if they can make more in yearly income than their equivalents at far-flung universities in Michigan or Florida! 

I feel very good about ourselves about now!  Imagine a Rose Bowl invitation!  We'll have a great time!  I mean, I can't be there, but we can be there, and just to know that other people affiliated with the University I was affiliated with are paying to travel to view a competition like that -- woo!

The university's athletic department would financially profit by selling image-rights for the event!  I'll be able to view the images through my home television set, and, in exchange, I'll happily also view messages from corporations who want all of my money!  I may discover new needs, and patronize those corporations!

Go us!

We Went and Saw This Take Off and Stuff

We went and saw this take off and stuff.  It's AWESOME!  We watched it in person last night!  It's a space "shuttle"!   

You might ask, "Why do we need to shuttle things into space?"

I would say, "To shuttle things up to the space station."

You might ask, "Why do we need a space station?"

I would say, "Where else are we going to drop off this stuff?"

Each blast-off is really neat to see in person.  Each blast-off costs us $500,000,000.00 in tax dollars, and then $20 for parking, plus we stopped at Walgreen's for some waters.

We could see the shuttle on the ground.  Some people around us had binoculars.  One guy had a really big telescope pointed at the shuttle!  We asked him if he could see the astronaut's diapers.  He said that no, he actually couldn't, because his telescope wasn't powerful enough for that, and besides, the shuttle is opaque, and so are the flightsuits, so even if his telescope were more powerful, that really wouldn't be possible.   I liked his Microsoft t-shirt.

We watched the whole cool thing from Titusville, which is a small town that gets a lot of traffic when we all spend $500,000,000.00 in tax dollars to shuttle stuff around.  A LOT of traffic.  We were stuck in it for a couple hours after the shuttle cool-ly launched into the sky with all that money.  We were stuck a long time in Titusville, that's for sure! 

It was kinda neat, thinking while we moved 300 feet in Titusville traffic, our tax money had orbited the earth three times.

THIS CAT SCARES ME

Seek shelter immediately.  This is not a warning. 

Many thanks to Kristine D. for sending me this picture, containing one (1) human, and one (1) freakish housecat.

But, again, I'm left wondering:  Photoshopped?  The giant dog was a hoax.  Can we trust any gigantic animals anymore?  To whom do we turn?

This looks less suspect to me, were it not for the pure, unbelievable, ginormousness involved.  Your opinion?  For real, or no? 

Awesome Sea Serpent Dep't.

It's just your basic Sea Serpent from Nowhere.

It now lives at Juno Beach.  Scientists don't know quite what it is, but describe it as looking like, "a living intestine."  Fun for the kidz!

It's probably not carnivorous.  Maybe.

Here's the link to the video.

Tiny Dogs? Oh Yeah. Right Here.

I think, in an honest, quiet moment, you'd have to admit that this dog is pretty small.

I think you'd have to say that.  He's four inches tall, and 18 ounces.  His name is "Dancer".  His owner loves and protects him, which is a good thing, when you're a male and you weigh 18 ounces and your name is "Dancer".

Normally, if you're a guy named "Dancer", you want to weigh at least 230 lbs.

My Office is Nice, by Brant Hansen

Everyone loves a good office.  My office isn't big, but in this essay, I will demonstrate that my office is nice.

First, I can sit in it and think, and eat strawberries!  I have a Quick Draw McGraw lunchbox!  I have palm trees outside my window, and I like that, too!

Secondly, I have a seashell lamp!

And lastly, I like it because I have books in it that people give me.  I don't read these books, but I have them!  I also have the St. Louis Cardinals' World Series trophy.  It's nice, and it's worth $60,000.

And I like my seashell lamp!