Brant's Blog of Awesomeness

This Picture Will Bring Us All Together

Tension at the office?  In a family feud with your neighbors?  Currently in a fist-fight with your sister?

This will end it.

This dachsund adopted a piglet.  No, I don't know why.  I haven't read the article.  I don't have time for that.  Point is, weiner dogs accepting a piglet.

All you need to know.  Peace in our time.

Ladies: Check Out What You'll Be Wearing This Fall

This is a highlight from a bigfat Paris fashion show-thing this week.  It's a "preview of fall fashions".

I was talking about it this morning.  It's pretty awesome. 

It's a giant picture frame.

Yep.

Here's a Dog Balancing Some Cups on Saucers...Per Your Request

A lot of people come up to me and they're like, "Hey, Brant, do you have any pictures of dogs balancing cups and saucers?" and I'm like "No...not on me...nope," and then I'm all, like, man, I've got to get me a picture of a dog balancing saucers and stuff and now here it is and you're welcome.

Mathematical Proof: I'm a Loser, but God Lives

 

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There it is:.  God is alive, and He loves us.

This equation calculates a guy's "odds" when pursuing a woman, and, more importantly, demonstrates that, in a purely rational universe, my wife shouldn't have married me.

For my single brothers, fill in the variables yourself, scale of 1 to 10 for each:

Let "W" = Your wittiness

Let "G" = Your aggressiveness

Let "Ay" = Your attractiveness

Let "Ah" = Her attractiveness

Let "R" = Her "amount" of current relationship with a possible current boyfriend

Try it!

The mathematician who developed this says:

If ASK is less than zero you should lower your standards

If ASK is between zero and 1, you have a snowball's chance

If ASK is between 1 and 10, game on!

If ASK is greater than 10, consider her more attractive friend instead

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How it worked for me:

I tried to be realistic.  I met Carolyn in college, and I was wittier than most guys my age.   (I had a t-shirt with a picture of an alien guy that said, "Be a Lert!   The World Needs More Lerts!"

So I gave myself a "9" for that.  I gave myself a "1" for aggressiveness, and a "5" -- being generous, perhaps -- for my own physical attractiveness.

I gave her an "8" for attractiveness, though she's closer to a "10" now.  She didn't have a boyfriend.

Sum:  Snowball's chance.  And, indeed, if it weren't for a well-timed Appalachian snowfall -- I'll write about it sometime -- it never would have happened. 

We've been married 17 years. 

God lives.