The Krusty Sage: Should You "Shelter" Your Kids?

(Here's a little advice from the Krusty Sage.  No one knows who he is, and he tends to be a little cranky.  If offended, I'll be sure to let him know.  He and I actually have a lot in common...)

SO...should you "shelter" your kids?

Yes.

Duh.

The Krusty Sage and the Mrs. Krusty Sage homeschool their kids.  (Mostly Mrs. Krusty Sage, to be straight-up honest, yo.)  The K.S. does NOT care whether you homeschool or not.  Don't want to?  Can't?  Whatev, man.  Your kids, your situation, your call.

But please spare the K.S. your concern that he "shelters" his kids.  Why yes, we do.  Thanks.  Glad you're concerned.  By the way:  If you don't shelter your kids, you're a traitor.

Remember the Sam Kinison sketch on SNL?  He's a kindergarten teacher, and a shiny, happy mom and dad walk in for their first Parent-Teacher conference.  He tells them their daughter is seriously whack.  They can't believe it.  How?  Why?

He shows them a picture she drew, with a happy little house, and a smiley-faced sun in the sky.  "See this?!  This is insane!"  They don't get it.  So he walks them over to the class window.

"Look at the sun up there.  Can you see it?  Let me ask you a question:  IS THERE A SMILEY FACE ON THE SUN?"

He then launches into a tirade about sheltered kindergarteners, unaware of the gritty real world.  "That's why I've chosen THIS text," he says, slamming down a thick tome.  "It's about the REAL WORLD!  VIETNAM!  Lying in a trench in the mud, watching your friend get his head blown off!"

Yeah, man, Vietnam.  The real world, man.  Get those kids exposed, now.  As if there's not a season for everything, as if childhood isn't fit for children, as if "sheltering" weren't one of the things you are precisely charged with doing as a parent.

If you don't shelter your kids, you're a traitor.  Maybe I mentioned that.  "Shelter", "protect" -- what's the dif, dad?

Maybe it matters what you show them on TV.  Maybe it matters that a six year-old may not be ready to watch the new Batman movie, or that your 13 year-old son is seriously wondering why you're not creeped out by watching a sex scene on TV along with him in the room.  Maybe your daughter actually does absorb foolishness from Seventeen and MTV, and maybe that matters.

("But I watched some sex scenes when I was a kid and some inappropriate shows and I turned out okay, and --"  Really?  You're "okay", huh?  You sure?  The K.S. wouldn't even say he's "okay".  But you are?  Neat.)

Maybe allowing your 14 year-old a computer in his room isn't really helping him learn the "real world", but about fake women, and he's in there sabotaging his future marriage, and you're letting it happen because you're a) breathtakingly naive, or b) you're not man enough to "shelter".

It's your job to shelter, pops.  And if you think the mindless entertainment/consumption lifestyle is somehow "the real world", the K.S. is going to get out of his big, awesome, wooden chair and hit you with it.

The K.S. has a friend who was seriously concerned about how the Sage family hadn't let his kids watch "Superbad" yet, in addition to not exposing them to the "real" world of mass age-stratifed education.  The same friend later said his dad had shown him porno mags when he was seven.  No sheltering there, huh?

Another friend once worked at a special pre-school with both Amish and non-Amish children.  They occasionally showed Disney videos to the kids, but the friend got a warning:  "Be careful and make sure you watch the Amish kids closely.  They aren't used to movies, so they can take things too seriously and get emotional."  Weird, huh?

-- except it's not the Amish kids who were weird.  They lived in a real world.  A different one, sure.  A "sheltered" one, sure.  But far, far more real than Ariel and Belle.   They aren't the odd ones.  They're children.  Childhood has it's own seasons, its own rhythm, its own implicit modesties, and, if allowed, its own sweet, and more real, charms.

So here's an idea:  DO show your kids the real world --  in time, in season, and informed by wisdom.  Help them to understand, from the outset, that some things aren't appropriate for them yet, but will be in time.  Take them out of the country to the third world.  Give them lots of great (usually not modern) books.  Gradually give them more and more latitude as they demonstrate their own wisdom, with the goal of producing a well-formed, free-thinking, independent adult by their very late teens.

Here's the downside:  In order to do this, properly, you'll actually have to know them -- really know them.  May mean giving up your awesome car or house and getting a different job.  Sorry.  Also means you can't watch a bunch of garbage on TV yourself.  Sorry. 

That's one problem with helping people grow up:  You have to be a grown-up.

Comments

[rich]

Great post. We don't homeschool but that isn't even the point. And you drive that home here. Kids can grow up well asjusted in either enviroment as long as their parents are real parents and not frail little wimpy custodians to afraid to even talk about the tough stuff.

I thinks it's worth saying that the KS's "friend" is not as normal and everyday as people might think (or want to think).

So here's to the KS and his good advice yo!

[Tanya]

What a great posting! I am a homeschool Mom (2nd year). My oldest is in 3rd grade and I'm having my fourth baby in June. : ) A a Mom I often battle with this issue.

I found this posting encouraging as I was reminded of how amazing it is to be sheltered. I have found through many different seasons in life that God is an amazing shelter just like His word says.

I guess I battle with a humanistic thought that if I finally feel strong enough as a person, that I will arrive at a place where I feel I don't need a shelter. Kinda like, Hip-Hip-Hooray the Super Human has finally arrived! : ) But, in reality I have been offered, by the All Knowing, All Wise and the Perfectly Loving God of the Universe - A Shelter! So, if He sees that I will always need to be sheltered, wouldn't that be true of my children.(hello)

My husband and I want to prepare our beautiful children to be wise, but full of innocence and life - All of which come from The Lord of Hosts! All of which are promises and desires of His.

So, here's to being sheltered and being an instrument of God's hand to shelter. Here's to life - not as the world gives, but as the Giver of Life gives!

Nothing is impossible to Him!

[Penny]

Amen!! Kudos to KS! Right and wrong DO still apply and doing the right thing generally takes more time and effort but is ALWAYS worth it. Yes, and you must BE a real grown up to help your kids grow up. Wish this message could be published mainstream for all to read! Thank you for sharing. From a parent that's proud to "shelter" and purposefully instruct in all activities.

[Annie]

I want to encourage all of you who are parenting the way God intended. I homeschooled my 3 kids until my oldest was 12. We then made the sacrifice financially of finding a God-centered private school, where they attended for several more years. They each did attend public school when they reached the 10th grade. They each had a great foundation and personal relationship with the Lord by that point. They were able to be leaders instead of followers. My 2 boys are now in college, with one of them pursuing Christian ministry as his major. They all attend church because they want to. My daughter, who is still in high school, wears Christian t-shirts to school everyday and looks for opportunities to share the Lord. Are they perfect? NO! But when my oldest son told me that he will either homeschool his own kids, or put them in private school, I get the feeling they know it made a difference in their own lives. Love your kids enough to protect them from everything the world wants to throw at them LONG before they are ready.