Lobsters: Doing Gross Stuff Since the Early Crustaceous Period

I've been thinking a lot about food lately.  This is due to the previous discussion about KFC and stuff, and the fact that I had food poisoning over the weekend.  (After mocking the KFC "food" bowl, I got viciously ill from eating -- get this -- lettuce.  Somewhere, if you parse this, you'll find irony in there.)

Commenter Mike asked about pork, which we don't eat anymore. What's the dif between eating pork and beef, really?  A good question.  I tried to sorta answer it, and explain the various reasons why a loving God would tell us not to eat stuff like pork.

And then there's lobster.

Folks, look at that picture.  That's a BUG, ladies and gentlemen.  A Sea Bug (TM) and it makes sense that God told us not to eat these things.

"But Lobsters aren't bugs, they're 'crustaceans.'  So there."

Yeah, nice save.  And so are sea lice.  And tongue worms. 

I saw this PBS thing on lobsters one time.  They showed what they were doing down there at the bottom of the sea.  You know what they were doing?

I'm not going to tell you.  It was too gross.  Just think of some gross stuff you could do at the bottom of the sea, and then picture bugs doing it.  Sick.  You don't want to know what they were doing down there. 

The footage was kinda murky, but one lobster was doing stuff so gross I think I saw the other lobsters throw up.

It's utterly remarkable, the Bible.  I don't worship it, but I marvel at it.  This is an ancient book, written long before sophisticated biology -- marine or otherwise -- and it has merciful, real-world eating guidelines we're still unpacking.  It's not a science textbook, it's practical wisdom for humans who need to eat. 

Thousands of years ago:  Who knew?  Who knew about trichinosis and tapeworms and telson taxonomy?  Who wanted to know? (Actually, we did.  We lacked scopes, but got scrolls.)

Thousands of years ago:  What benevolent genius could figure the inefficiencies of mass human dependence on pork, thousands of years before mega-farms and methane issues and caloric calculations?  What compassionate, master agronomist could anticipate the impact on the poor, who would need the very same food energy being consumed by millions of housed hogs?  Well...

I read that we just learned that lobsters bury dead fish.  Which would be kinda touching, if there was a little buggy ceremony.  But, turns out, they just go back and snack on it.  It's not their fault they're gross.  They're sea bugs, and sea bugs do sea bug stuff.  I just don't want to see them make a big show of themselves flaunting this behavior on PBS.  That's my opinion.

I've been thinking a lot about food lately.  This is due to the previous discussion about KFC and stuff, and the fact that I had food poisoning over the weekend.  (After mocking the KFC "food" bowl, I got viciously ill from eating -- get this -- lettuce.  Somewhere, if you parse this, you'll find irony in there.)

Commenter Mike asked about pork, which we don't eat anymore. What's the dif between eating pork and beef, really?  A good question.  I tried to sorta answer it, and explain the various reasons why a loving God would tell us not to eat stuff like pork.

And then there's lobster.

Folks, look at that picture.  That's a BUG, ladies and gentlemen.  A Sea Bug (TM) and it makes sense that God told us not to eat these things.

"But Lobsters aren't bugs, they're 'crustaceans.'  So there."

Yeah, nice save.  And so are sea lice.  And tongue worms. 

I saw this PBS thing on lobsters one time.  They showed what they were doing down there at the bottom of the sea.  You know what they were doing?

I'm not going to tell you.  It was too gross.  Just think of some gross stuff you could do at the bottom of the sea, and then picture bugs doing it.  Sick.  You don't want to know what they were doing down there. 

The footage was kinda murky, but one lobster was doing stuff so gross I think I saw the other lobsters throw up.

It's utterly remarkable, the Bible.  I don't worship it, but I marvel at it.  This is an ancient book, written long before sophisticated biology -- marine or otherwise -- and it has merciful, real-world eating guidelines we're still unpacking.  It's not a science textbook, it's practical wisdom for humans who need to eat. 

Thousands of years ago:  Who knew?  Who knew about trichinosis and tapeworms and telson taxonomy?  Who wanted to know? (Actually, we did.  We lacked scopes, but got scrolls.)

Thousands of years ago:  What benevolent genius could figure the inefficiencies of mass human dependence on pork, thousands of years before mega-farms and methane issues and caloric calculations?  What compassionate, master agronomist could anticipate the impact on the poor, who would need the very same food energy being consumed by millions of housed hogs?  Well...

I read that we just learned that lobsters bury dead fish.  Which would be kinda touching, if there was a little buggy ceremony.  But, turns out, they just go back and snack on it.  It's not their fault they're gross.  They're sea bugs, and sea bugs do sea bug stuff.  I just don't want to see them make a big show of themselves flaunting this behavior on PBS.  That's my opinion.

Comments

[RevJeff]

On behalf of all "Sea Bugs" I thank you for your gracious handling of this delicate subject.

May God the Creator bless the earthly stick creatures.

[Terri Hill]

All shellfish--lobsters, crabs, shrimp, etc., are the decomposers of the sea. They do what cockroaches, worms, etc. do on land--help with the decomposition of dead things. GROSS!!! We stopped eating shellfish two years ago after we read the book by Dr. Jordan Rubin-The Maker's Diet. He explains why God, with all of His wisdom, gave us dietary rules in the Bible. Once we read that info...we stopped eating shellfish.

[Jennifer Pedraza]

Amen! You also might want to avoid the weasel, the mouse, the various kinds of lizards, the gecko, the land crocodile, the skink, the sand-lizard and the chameleon...

[Patch]

I've been calling these delicious creatures "sea bugs" for years now. Crabs are "Sea Spiders" and shrimp, well, let's be honest, they're nothing more than "Sea Maggots". They do the same thing earth maggots do except turn into flies (hmmm... butterflied shrimp? It's all making sense now!)

I do have to admit that they taste great! Makes me wonder what it would be like to crack open a boiled turantula. Mmmmm... dip one of those fuzzy legs into a vat of melted butter. Hey, don't knock it! It might be GREAT!

[Jim C.]

Ah, the weasel. I've forgotten the last time I had good weasel. I shy away from shellfish and pork...not because of the food, but the preparers of said meat. This is South Florida. Home of the "Sure, I know how to cook". Yeah....I'm not eating it unless I prepare it.

[Brant]

mmmmm...boiled tarantula...

Straight up: What's the difference? It really MIGHT be great. I'll avoid it, too, but lobster-eaters should be all over it like white on lice. Or something.

Jim C. -- "Ah, the weasel..." I like that.

Next time a start a rock band: "Ah, the Weasel" is the first album.

[Ingrid]

Sorry for switching the subject but...

Food poisoning from lettuce?

See, I'm an online listener from El Salvador and you cannot have lettuce here. The water isn't clean so when you eat lettuce not only do you have food poisoning but you spend the rest of your dear life in a bathroom.

Yeah, anyway. Pretty random, sorry.