More Advice for No One in Particular

I'm hereby offering advice to no one in particular.  No one asked for it, and no one should vainly imagine themselves its intended audience.  So be not offended.  I didn't have you in mind.  You probably think this song is about you?  Don't you?  Don't you?

Your Kids Don't Need a Stupid College Fund

I know, you think it's irresponsible.  It's not.  Your kids don't need a stupid college fund.

"But isn't college important, and what about careers and...blah blah blah, boo-hoo-hoo?"

Well, sure.  But not nearly as important as everyone makes it out to be. 

And if your kid goes to college -- awesome.  But if not -- and I'm quoting the Great Writer, the one who wrote the theme from Diff'rent Strokes, here:  "Doesn't matter that you got not a lot, so what?  They'll have theirs, you'll have yours, and I'll have mine."

This, of course, is high cultural heresy.  Wonderful, crisp, light and refreshing -- cultural heresy.  (About which I now misappropriate the sayers of sooth in Family Force 5:  "I want it, I love it, can't get enough of it.")

You're not charged with getting your kid a college education.  You're not charged with ensuring your kid is a successful American.  You're charged with the development of your kid's character.

"But it's still important to go to college and..." -- whatever.  If you've got money to put away for this purpose, great.  Congrats.  But that's a far cry from what some people do:  Working themselves to the bone, stressing out both mom and dad, taking on extra hours -- to make sure their kid gets into this-or-that school for future career purposes.

That misses the point.  You have them NOW.  You're needed NOW.  They need you to chill NOW, and quit modeling that the point of our existence is career advance NOW, before they internalize the lie.

"But what if they don't make enough money and --?"

See anyone starving to death?  Not sure but -- yes, yes, this is the U.S.  And this would be the society that's trying to educate its poorest to stop so often paying others to cook for them, to alleviate chronic obesity.  They'll be fine.  Maybe they could (horrors) go to community college for a couple years before transferring somewhere.  Whatever.

Education is good.  Knowledge is great.  (I wouldn't be chilling here with this dusty book and awesome white beard if I didn't think that, chump.)  And nice stuff is nice (like this hizzy-rocking wood chair-thing.) But if your kid becomes a Doctor but she doesn't truly know you, and your real love for your neighbors, well, you missed the point, and you don't get do-overs. 

You've got them now.

We'd all like more money, more prestige, but it's not the point.  And if you believe that last sentence, quit acting like you don't.  What you believe is what you do, not what you say.

There. Sheesh.

Comments

[Monica Battaile]

Must...not...respond...to...every...blog.....

Oh well.

We just discussed this a couple of months ago in my book club - reading "The World Is Flat".

I am surrounded by Ph.Ds in my world. (There's a national lab out here.) When I brought up the point that kids today feel like they're owed an education past high school and that they're actually not, you would have thought I'd stripped naked and done a dance in the middle of the discussion circle.

Children are NOT owed anything except love and support as they graduate high school. The majority of our parent's parents did NOT work themselves to the bone to send their precious little ones to the best schools. But they also didn't work themselves to the bone to pay off the credit cards for all of the expensive toys their children just *HAD* to have. I say our parent's parents b/c a lot of my friends in college were spoiled brats who took their parents for a ride b/c "they were owed".

I was raised to know better. I am owed nothing by my parents. They love me and support me in my life, and I respect them for that. My husband was raised differently. His parents gave him and his brothers most anything they wanted (see the Cayman alligator incident) and he sometimes has a hard time understanding why I put on the brakes about certain things for our 3 year old daughter.

My parents did send me to college - 4 years worth. Anything over 4 years and under a C I had to pay for. I paid for a year and a half worth of college, mainly b/c I played around too much. Looking back, I wish I'd gone to a junior college first until I figured out what to do with my life. However, the whole Associate degree - actually paying money to do two more years of high school work - is something no one wants to hear me go on and on about. I can sum it up in two words though - absolutely ridiculous.

The majority of children today feel like they are owed anything and everything. They don't want to take a job in high school that doesn't pay at least $10 an hour b/c they are "worth more" than that. This kind of mentality eeks on into their adult life. They graduate college, of which they did not have to work a single day because mom and dad paid for everything, and they do not understand why the rest of the world does not want to take care of their every need. They do not understand why the majority of them are not begged and pleaded to start off at $50K a year. They are turned away from $20K jobs b/c they have no experience, and once again they turn to mom and dad for help. What on earth has gone wrong? Why doesn't the business world like me? They move back in with mom and dad until they're 30 and never seem to grow up. Mom and dad don't understand why junior is so sad and keep giving them more money b/c they don't want their child to deal with the cold, harsh world. Everyone is miserable.

(Deep breath)

OK, I think I'm done for the moment.

[Brant]

It's fine that you respond to every blog. Everyone should be like that. Everyone should respond to everything I say, darn it.

If one derives one's own self-worth from education, or anything, for that matter, it makes sense that it's a nightmare to imagine your own child without it. He/she would be without value.

I continue to be -- ah, "amazed" seems strong -- at how Christian believers, those who say, "Jesus is Lord", seem driven by the precise same things as everyone else. I don't get it.

And I'm hardly anti-intellectual. We need more thoughtful believers pursuing science and the arts and the advanced degrees necessary to research and teach. But credentials and career cannot be the focus of our existence, which is summed up in two commands, neither of which having anything to do with career.

[Monica Battaile]

Thank you, yes, yes, and yes.

It would be nice if the Peace Corps were cool to join again. I think more people would have an idea of what the rest of the world is like - that there are people in this world who are lucky if they even get to learn to read. That not everyone gets to graduate high school b/c they have to help support their family, a.k.a. Mom, Dad, and siblings.

I worked for a man at a Big 5 firm who was an international partner (there's not too many of them). He had only a high school education. A perfect example of someone who worked their rear off to get where they were. I am not anti-intellectual either. Heck, I send my 3 year old to Montessori school b/c she's smarter than I would like her to be (um, Lord, I meant that in a nice, funny, sarcastic way). But, yes, people DO focus too much on their careers and not enough on their families and God. They are too busy for anything outside of work b/c they went to school for X-years and, by golly, they are going to do something with that degree!

People seem horrified when their high schoolers say, "I want to work after high school, not go to college." Immediately images of waitressing jobs or mechanics jump into their minds. There goes the $500K house for the grandkids to grow up in. There go the umpteen vacations to Disney. What if the grandkids can't wear the latest styles and fashions?!?!! Panic, cold sweats and heart palpitations settle in. What will their friends think?

I say, what's wrong with it? A little hard work, a smaller house, and a happy outlook on life never hurt anybody.

(Geez, do you think I'll shut up today? Probably not...)

[Jerry Tyler]

Education?
Just look at the words of Solomon in Ecclesiastes, "been there, done that, so what, not important.
(Readers Digest Paraphrased Version of course)

What is important? Walking with God.

The Society we live in has so much power that we don't realize the power it has. Better to be educated by Him than the world anyday.
my 2 cents